Wonderful Laboratories (wonderfullabs) wrote,
Wonderful Laboratories

The Quest for the Heart And Wonder

wonder An explanation for the highly jinked entries of late and a query of sorts await the intrepid below...
Dearest Readers,

Previously on WONDERFUL LABS...

     We, that is, me, Mister Wonderful, and my two droogies, Mister Dark and Mister Malice, having fled the dreary confines of polite society, found ourselves in need of returning to said polite society in order to retrieve certain items of apocalyptic import from certain Middle Eastern cities before certain flight-suit-wearing yahoos stumbled upon them in their pursuit of certain empires. So we packed up and lit out of Wonderful Laboratories for the wild beyonder.

     And why not? ORGASMAX, the Wonderful Labs computer, had jumped upon the fritz and was likely to remain there until we lobbed great bucketfuls of cash down its maw. I knew I could best compensate for my inability to answer the dozens of queries now trapped in an 8'x10' silicon paperweight, queries from readers just like you (but with tousled hair and confused expression), by drinking a variety of liquors in their native lands, then visiting the native "facilities," and perhaps then seeing the inside of the native "police stations." Miss Yakamoto promised she would take care of things as usual, and then she kicked me goodbye.

     Along the way we met a monkey who worked as a spy for a foreign government, but he decided to join up with us heathens instead. We also went off-course (but on corset) a few times, and I wrote marvelously entertaining picaresque travelogues describing how Mister Malice couldn't be trusted to successfully navigate a pint of Guinness through an Irish priest. Bastard. Then, what with one thing and another, and time continuing to flow in one direction for these limited, ego-bound bodies, we found ourselves here in Potrzebie - an ancient civilization with modern "facilities," a nation spread across hundreds of charming islands that ring the earth like a neon mobius strip of kismet.

     AND NOW...

     Although I am working with borrowed computing power and slipshod communications networks, it seems as though the ingenuity of readers just like you knows no bounds. A shimmering lovebird flew my way as I sashayed down a Potrzebian beach, a band of silver around her tiny leg. Could it be? Yes! For I, even I, away in this arcane land, have received a fresh query. Although I have not my powerful Wonderful Labs research materials and my tab needs to be paid at Amelia Earhart's LAST FLIGHT bar, I am quite overjoyed to have this opportunity to enlightentain, if only for a simple query...

Dear Mr. Wonderful,
     Did dinosaurs have feathers? Do you think their feathers were as pretty as my bird's? What is your favorite dinosaur? My brother's was a Stegosaurus.
p.s. what fabric softener do you use?

Dear Old Faithful,

     I'll tell you one thing: Mae West had a feather boa. I'm not saying she was a dinosaur, but the evolutionary link between a dinosaur and a battleship is so thin you could use it to pick a flea's teeth.

     I'm not saying Mae West had fleas, either. It's true. But I'm not saying it. Dinosaurs rarely had fleas. They had trilobites.

     Big Bird is pretty clearly the "missing link" between dinosaurs and avians, isn't he, though? I'd certainly say your bird's feathers are much nicer; mainly because they aren't coated with "Hooper-goop."

     My favorite dinosaur remains Abe Vigoda. He's like a coelacanth: they thought it was extinct, but it lives. It lives still!

P.S. I soften my fabrics through wear and tear. Wear and tear, baby.

WONDERFUL LABS - We Strike When The Irony Is Cool

Once we're alone in Cognito
We'll remove all of our clothes very fast,
But though we be naked as jaybirds,
At no time will we take off our masks.

- Tom Robbins,
Villa Incognito
Mister Wonderful Recommends: Pirates. Well, good pirates. Or rather,
fictional pirates. Or rather, pirates about whom tales are told. What
I'm getting at is, there are greedy pig bastards, and there are pirates.
Pirates have flair. And tremendous booty. And a shivery timbre.
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