|Mister Wonderful travels the world in search of the finest minds to compete in his Wisdom Stadium... well, actually he's been lazing about on an island paradise for the past month, sending these drug-soaked ramblings with chilling regularity. The FDA has finally approved distribution of the dispatches, so enjoy...
One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small, but the pills they give you in Potrzebie drop-kick you through the field goal of reality. Oh, man. Mister Wonderful here, cradling my coconuts and wondering what else can happen to three men and a little monkey when people stop acting polite and start acting Potrzebian.
For one thing, they'll get meaningful stares from Amelia Earhart about their bar tab.
(plucked from the sodden verbiage haze
drifting 'round the pub. take with a grain of
salt, or several shots of Old Peculiar)
* Due to parallel evolution and unnatural selection, the Potrzebian National Anthem is to the tune of Strip by Adam Ant.
* The empty Parliament buildings of the central government are rumoured to be haunted by Richard Nixon and/or a giant slug.
* The most famous Potrzebian movie is a series of woodcuts stamped onto a bedsheet with mare's blood and filmed with a dozen oatmeal box pinhole cameras. It depicts the ancient tale of King Hunkidori's trip through the 8th dimension and subsequent discovery of bedsheets. Title: Azimuth? I'm So Azimuth I Can Hardly Plotz!
* Here, fleas are 20% more likely to work in a union circus.
* The first wombat spotted in Potrzebie turned out to be an extremely angry frog.
* As the islands that make up Potrzebie span the entire globe every citizen knows a little bit of every language, but no one can explain why the President of the United States can't pronounce "nuclear."
* All Potrzebian wars, including the Sybil War (1475-1498)(in which twelve parallel-universe Potrzebies converged and argued over who got to use the beard trimmer), have been decided by surf combat.
* Identity is fluid in Potrzebie; become anyone you want, but make sure you want all that you become.
* Older Potrzebians miss the days when "Drunk-n-Bungle" music topped the charts.
* The veterans of the psychic wars will really talk your pineal gland off.
* If your muscles ache - it's because a few days in Potrzebie makes your whole body smile.
There's more to tell, and tales don't tell themselves, but the hour is growing late and it looks like we are once again going to have to peel Mister Malice away from the karaoke stage (he discovered that they could do Voulez Vous and has since been incorrigible), so I must away.
your man overseas until the seas are over,
WONDERFUL LABS - Fun Like Being Eaten And Drunk At The Same Time
We'll know how small we really are
We'll be amazed we've come this far
We'll rip the blinders from our eyes and truly see...
- Cop Shoot Cop,
"If Tomorrow Ever Comes"
|Mister Wonderful Recommends: The 5 current skeleton keys of the
universe. Be warned: by the time you read this, the moment will have
passed and new keys will be activated. Your omnipotence may vary. Keep
watching the skies!