|After a month's delay, the U.S. Customs Paranoiacs have allowed us to distribute these illuminating missives dispatched from Mister Wonderful, our man on the flying tropical isles.
Here, dig: the most annoying thing about traveling to this remote island nation and discovering new cultures, seeking out new night life and new dramatizations, encountering thousands of interesting new people?
Mister Dark will not shut up with his "Please allow me to introduce myself; I'm a man of wealth and taste," bullshit.
Everyone. Everyone we run into. He just won't stop. "Won't you guess my name?"... and they look over at me like I'm the one who didn't tell him he was wearing a convention center name badge. I mean, it was clever for about half an hour in 1971, sure. Now it's just embarrassing.
Anyway, I would have to say that the second most annoying thing about this chain of idyllic islands is that they don't seem to gather the strategic importance of showing first-run movies. "But Mister Wonderful," you say with your mouth full of marshmallow pies, "Surely you are not complaining of the opportunity to view Jaws 3-D the way it was meant to be seen?" Of course not. The annoyance arises when all psychic wavelengths are jammed with you lot telling me how you got free ice cream and blowjobs just from watching X-2: X-Men United.
Yes, I understand it's a good movie. But I still haven't seen it, okay? It's like the film transmits an advertising virus or something. If people can't talk about it, their jaws lock up and they just smugly vibrate for twenty minutes. Folks are desperate to let me know how much I should see this film. I get it, all right? I keep expecting to see X-2 reviews appearing on the surface of the moon.
As it is, the neon blimps do somewhat mar the romantic Potrzebian nights.
I don't mean to pick nits, however. We are doing well here. Mister Malice discovered an hallucinogenic pineapple that should improve the profits at his franchised Icee Stand. The monkey I recently befriended has enlisted in the Dream Police to be closer to his girlfriend. Potrzebie, sweet Potrzebie. If only the world could accept you.
I hear from Miss Yakamoto that we hope to have the STROKERACEX computer back on-line in two weeks. She's never let me down before. I was hoping to fit some more innuendo into that phrase but the hour is late, and hotel detectives are starting to wonder about the power drains. I will dispatch more, anon.
yours with a bamf,
WONDERFUL LABS - Where Johnny Quest And Lara Croft Get Their Grave On
"These are writers for whom the 'fantastic' is not ethereal and wispy but tough and real, where 'magic' operates like science or science magic, and where the sense of subversion, of alienation, of sheer strangeness that saturates their work defies easy categorisation as SF or fantasy."
|Mister Wonderful Recommends: Remembering that I love you. You already
know this. There is no division between you, me, the past, the future,
these letters in front of me, the tree outside that window, none of you.
I love you, but you already know. We use the enemy. We shimmer, and
here's the part of you that wrote about it in San Francisco.